Bianca: Now I feel like I fucked up a bit...Mark...there's just so much I could tell you to make you understand me a bit better. 2:21 AM
Mark: You should tell me. I really want to understand you better, Bianca. 2:22 AM
Bianca: When I was 26, I had an affair with a married man.
It was an entirely different circumstance. But it ended terribly. 2:22 AM
Mark: What happened? 2:23 AM
Bianca: It was awful...He was in love, wanted to leave the wife for me. He promised me the world. When the time came and we were "caught" he backed out, stayed with her and left me totally humiliated. They are still married 11 years later. Unhappily. 2:23 AM
Mark: I'm so sorry, Bianca. Ok…First of all, it takes two to tango. Hence it was not your fault. Second, 95% of the affairs end up with the husband going back to the wife. Third, you were very young. Fourth, you tried - I'm certain that the ending was horrible. Hence the odds were stacked up against you. 2:24 AM
Bianca: Yes definitely. 2:26 AM
Mark: But I'm certain that you also had good moments. Or am I wrong? 2:26 AM
Bianca: We had the best 2 months of my life. I don't know if when you say you are falling for me, if it's lust or part of a fantasy for you...I'm afraid to awaken my heart only to have it crash right into a wall. Again. 2:27 AM
Mark: Do I look like I am a fantasy? 2:28 AM
Bianca: No. 2:28 AM
Mark: So, the two of you had great moments. You lived them together. Be happy for them. Those who do not understand it, will never. I am falling for you and it is real. But I appreciate that this may be too much for you, Bianca. And that's absolutely fine. I respect your space and your wishes. It's great we talked today. You are a very special woman. 2:28 AM
Bianca: It's not too much for me...in the beginning you and I just had an arrangement. We can just press restart on Sunday. I am fine. I want to keep seeing you. 2:31 AM
Mark: What do you mean about pressing restart? What you are seeing now is the rational Mark, who everybody knows. That's how I am for 99.99% of the world. 2:32 AM
Bianca: I am falling for you....but I am a big girl. And I can separate my feelings. And contain them. And have an arrangement. And still see you. And enjoy every minute as we have so far. I'm sorry that I was so off tonight. It's all been an intense week. I wouldn't change anything though. 2:33 AM
Mark: Bianca, you know how I feel. I'm not going to hold back. 2:35 AM
Bianca: I'm not either. 2:35 AM
Mark: If we keep seeing each other, I just beg you not to hurt me deliberately. I will not promise what I cannot deliver. Even when I'm on cloud nine. 2:35 AM
Bianca: I promise. 2:36 AM
Mark: I may be socially awkward at times, but I read people without thinking. 2:36 AM
Bianca: And what are you thinking now? 2:36 AM
Mark: That I want to see you happy. No matter what the price is. Be it taking it forward as we were. Or not seeing you anymore. 2:37 AM
Bianca: The latter makes me sad. Not happy. 2:38 AM
Mark: I just don't think that at this stage, the way I am feeling, I could have a mere arrangement with you. I'm sorry to say that. 2:38 AM
Bianca: What do u mean by that? 2:38 AM
Mark: Just money and sex. I will not be able to connect with it. Sorry. 2:39 AM
Bianca: I don't want that either. But I have to ask. What was it you were looking for in the first place? 2:40 AM
Mark: What I had with my former arrangement. 2:41 AM
Bianca: Love? Sex? 2:42 AM
Mark: It was nothing to do with this. It was different. We had feelings for one another, but nothing like this. Never. I've not felt this way, in years. 2:42 AM
Bianca: I’m definitely falling for you. I know you need to go…2:43 AM
Mark: Why? 2:44 AM
Bianca: Because you are almost home. 2:44 AM
Mark: I'm home already. 2:44 AM
Bianca: Oh. 2:44 AM
Mark: You are my priority, Bianca. 2:44 AM
Bianca: Are you in trouble for getting home so late? 2:44 AM
Mark: I am not in trouble. And if I am, that’s my problem, darling. I just want you to know that what I have shared with you so far is very real and not a fantasy. I told you when we met that I did not know exactly what I was looking for. And I was going to keep an open mind. Remember? What I have found with you is much more than what I had bargained for. 2:46 AM
Bianca: I remember. Do you still want to see me? 2:49 AM
Mark: Bianca. All I want is to be with you. I was just trying to give you space to walk away if that was what you wanted. 2:49 AM
Bianca: I don't want to walk away from what we have. 2:50 AM
Mark: But please, let's not use each other as objects. Ok? 2:50 AM
Bianca: This relationship is anything but traditional and conventional. It doesn't fit in any box. And I reckon I shouldn't try to find one that it can be shoved into. I don't see you as an object. And I don't feel like one. Can we get back to living in the moment? 2:51 AM
Mark: Yes, you are right. Let's do it. I'm sorry I asked what was wrong today. But today you seemed different. 2:55 AM
Bianca: I know. I’m ok. Glad we talked. 2:56 AM
Mark: Good. For me nothing has changed. Not at all. But please. Talk to me when things of this nature happen. I'm here to listen. And just be honest with me. 2:56 AM
Bianca: Always. I'm fading. Get some sleep, Mark. 2:57 AM
Mark: I'm going to try, but am so jet lagged. Slept on the plane for two hours. Get some sleep, gorgeous. 2:58 AM
Bianca: Good night xo. 2:59 AM
Mark: Good night. Sweet dreams my love. Just understand how much I want to be with you. 3:00 AM