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What Doesn't Kill You

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May 17, 2016

The day I left my husband was like any other sunny spring day in New York City.  Except that I woke up with a fever of 103 and violent chills.

It didn’t really matter though.  Nothing could have stopped me that day.  I was on an escape mission.

“When do you know when it’s time for divorce?”  I remember Googling.

When you are Googling divorce.  It should have said.

There was no blueprint, no manual for how to leave your marriage of less than a year.  I knew people would judge me, but that was no reason to stay.  And so, just before my thirtieth birthday I found myself searching for an overpriced Park Avenue divorce attorney.

I had been so terrified of surviving on my own, but it was time to go.  I had been secretly saving money for the last six months and I knew I could sell my ring and get money for a deposit on an apartment of my own.  I was determined to take no money from Richard.  I knew that emotionally it wouldn’t be worth the fight, and I wanted to prove that I no longer needed a thing from him.

I had gotten a safe deposit box to store all of my important documents and booked a hotel down the street in case he kicked me out on the spot and I needed a place to stay.  I had even packed an emergency suitcase with everything important.  The kind of things you’d grab if you were fleeing a burning building.  In a way, it kind of felt like I was.

He came home from work at 7pm on the dot.  He took his usual seat on the sofa and that’s when I took a deep breath and said, “We need to talk…”